25th November 2017 - Team Northumbria (a)

The appeal of a visit to Coach Lane to watch this encounter was not great. It was absolutely freezing outside. I'd already endured the delights (it was very tasty, actually) of Tynemouth Castle's outdoor Christmas food festival and wanted to stay indoors but today was the day #Bayflagclub welcomed a new arrival! Yes Pogo Patterson's flag, boasting a fine photo from the Bay's glory days, had arrived and was ready for its debut. How could I refuse to join in the merriment. After all the first rule of flag club is "Don't forget your flag" and the second is "make sure you turn up". The action on the pitch would take second stage today!

My little one is feeling slightly overwhelmed by his big buddies!

The pitch was in perfect condition but it was just freezing! The Boy Mark and I were not impressed...

Neither was I impressed with the match programme which certainly lacked content. I'm afraid I have a big problem with Team North. They are simply a club that I don't feel should be in the Northern League! They are a University team and should play against other university teams. My reasons for this are:

1. They have no fans to banter with or ignore.

2. They have no match programme ... That I could find...to spend a hard-earned £1 or £1.50 upon so you can scrawl nonsensical notes upon.

3. They have toilets that are outside the ground. 

4. It's always cold there.

5. You have to pay £1.50 for the privilege to park there! Obvs instead of a programme....

Our biggest excitement early on was watching two lads putting their video camera on a massive erection. I did, however, lose any remaining street-cred I might have had when I complemented them on their erection and promptly tripped over the stand, making it wobble...just a touch!

It's huge! Hardly seems worth it for that little thing!

What was worse was that the Bay were terrible. They couldn't pass to each other, control the ball or stop the hard-up students from running rings around them! I had given up the opportunity to spend time with my own student daughter, who had come home for a family outing to see Kasabian the previous night, for this!

We even went for our warm drinks five minutes early with the score at an extremely fortunate 0-0 for the Bay. It had been backs to the wall most of the half.

The second half didn't bode any better as we lost the protection from the biting wind of the other end's wooden fencing. 

One compensation about the ground, though, was the netting behind each goal, which was perfect for #Bayflagclub. 

In the 54th minute, the game woke up:

A curling Cornish free-kick was mishandled by our banter-buddy in the Team North goal (he was a good lad really) and there was the Kempstervator to krash in a screamer from twenty centimetres. 

Soon after, who should be on hand for a Charmey pass but Poster-Boy Brooks! A quick turn was followed by a crisp low shot under our mate! 

The Pin-up boy returned the compliment soon after as he laid the ball for our french maestro, Monsieur Thibault, who made the score 3-0. 

Even super pitches have divets!

It was at this point that all feeling and bodily functions ceased behind the home goal and we willed the referee to blow for full time. There was a brief moment of banter when we informed the linesman "that even the female ref isn't wearing gloves" as he raised his gloved hand to rule a Bay player off-side. But, there was only hollow laughter, as we beat our gloved hands together and shivered in our multiple layers.

#bayflagclub had long since been removed when the ref finally blew for full time and there was a veritable race for the warmth of various cars. How hard we are!

3-0 to the Bay but the lads will have to be ten times better next week in the Vase against West Auckland! 

PS Flag club may be extended for the FA Vase fixture as Pogo Patterson has gone flag crazy!

21st November 2017 - Sunderland RCA NLC -2

Compared to the Vase, 10 days earlier, there was a distinct lack of buzz around Hillheads. No hordes of juvenile Madboys making a din, just a few hardy souls who had braved the November evening: a paltry 166 was the recorded attendance! After the previous weekend's storming 2-0 win at Marske, the club must have hoped for a bigger crowd but the footballing public didn't oblige! One fan who did oblige was Woody, who had recently become the father of a little baby girl. After a quick visit to check mother and baby were doing well (they were) I drove him to Hillheads in my Bay battle bus. It's really a little Vauxhall Aguila, but it has been decorated with Bay mini scarf and blue and white ribbons: for making location in large car parks easier , obviously!

The pre-match conversation at the Allotment End was interrupted at one point by the news that Barry was going to begin running Dog Obedience Courses. This meant the next few minutes were spent thinking of dog references to use in the blog: "The Bay were finally let off the leash" and the Sunderland defence were looking a bit "Dog-eared". However only Kinnon seemed amused by these so that was the end of that!

To celebrate Woody's new arrival, Nashy's boys started well and, led by the vastly-improved Brooksy up front, were full of running so the chances arrived in fits and starts. Brooks, Haley and the lively Kempstervator managed to get shots away before a terrific scramble in the Bay penalty area was finally cleared without a goal conceded. This was all the impetus the lads needed and when Brooksy collected the ball from the hard-working PGR, it was a left foot, right foot then bang! The Bay were 1-0 up! A great piece of skill that he had previously only hinted at being capable of.

A couple of minutes later, Brooks' purple patch continued as he fed in the Magical One and he charmed us all with a wondrous strike! 2-0

The second half turned out to be one way traffic and fit-again Flynn and his defence had to be on their toes as they threw themselves bravely in front of everything that was thrown at them. When Stephen Callen pulled a goal back for the visitors, the writing seemed to be on the wall for the tiring home team, however a fit-at-last Thibault, youngster Kieron Brannen and England Schools trialist, Cam Cunningham, came on to steady the ship with new Bay pin-up boy Brooksy, Aiden Haley and the Kempstervator making way. The Bay had weathered the storm and at the final whistle has edged the close encounter.
2-1 to the Bay and a home tie with Penrith to look forward to!

11th November 2017 - Thornaby (a) FAV -2

For your added enjoyment, please read the segments of this blog in italics in the voice of David Attenborough. Thank you

Up a tree-lined narrow path, we find the home of the variously-spotted Thornabians. They mostly appear during the months from August to May after which they return into hibernation, or Spain, during the hotter weather. Today, we knew we would be treated to great numbers of them as today was FA Vase day: a special day for all the Lower Non-League species of Football Supporter. 

There was great tension amongst our group as we drew closer: we could hear the battle cry of the Greater-spotted, and younger, Thorabian. In time they would develop into the Lesser-spotted Thornabian, a calmer but nevertheless unpredictable creature.

The flag of the Greater-Spotted Thorabian.

The Thornabian is a generally friendly creature that lives in various spots around their home in Teesdale Park.  They are able to chat amiably about all aspects of Northern League football and are fiercely proud.

The Lesser Spotted Thornabian can be found at their favourite watering hole:

This can be reached through a long passage that allows it protection from the elements and any predators:

Some Thornabians take advantage of a nearby picnic area to enjoy the fresh air and their version of water:

Other Thornabians are shy, however, and prefer to watch from the safety of a high fence and hill:

The louder, Greater Spotted Thorabian (also known as Mad Boys) are quite happy to share their territory with visitors as long as they keep their distance. This all-male pack, greatly enjoy showing off with a range of musical numbers they can recite. 

The Greater Spotted Thorabian sometimes needs to be kept in check and one of our research crew witnessed an apology to one of the Thornabian elders for a misdemeanor that included the phrases "I'm sorry" and "It won't happen again". 

Generally, though the younger members seem to be allowed to play about in their own shed that had been kitted out with creature comforts such as 'leather sofas'. Maybe one of their number had put their feet on the sofas, we surmised!

More than happy to share their shed, just not their comfy sofas!

The Thorabians jump and leap about fuelled by their own special brew, Forest Fruits Strongbow, that is sneaked in by one of their group through a secret door (to a secret garden). For convenience, these are stored in a nearby receptacle (also known as a bin) to be surreptitiously removed when their elders are not looking.

Fuelled by their Strongbows, the youngsters follow the commands of their leader, who holds the sacred megaphone. Their medley seem to vary:

"If you aren't jumping, you aren't Thor-na-by"

"We hate Whitley Bay!"

Amongst others.

In this respect they resemble the Greater Spotted North Shields fan. This resemblance doesn't stop there as both species favour the use of the Red Cross Flag. 

Interestingly, when their team finds itself behind to a fabulous shot from Andy Robertson, they still carry on with their patter. The power of fruity drinks! 

Matty C is grateful for Barry's
words of advice.

Despite going ahead, the Bay were finding it hard against the determined home side, much to the delight of the kids next to us. At one point, Bay Denizen, Barry decided to share his wisdom, yet the the team still struggled even after that, despite occasional periods of good play,  and we were grateful to hear the half time whistle.

When the half time whistle blows, it is a signal for the Thorabians to leave en-masse for the toileting area, whereupon they mingle about, singing in the enclosed space, putting off those present from their business, before then returning to the the safety of their shed.

The second half started poorly for the Bay and it was no surprise when Thornaby equalised. There then followed a pile-on of players and supporters near the corner flag that built upon scorer Joe Hillerby. 

When a goal has been scored, there follows a ritual in which the Thornaby goalscorer is rewarded by his fellow males jumping on top of him. This inspires the younger Thorabians to run from their shed to join in the growing mountain of bodies. 

There was a sickening feeling as we watched the celebrations and the lads' body language didn't look good. Tuesday night was coming back to haunt us. 

The lads responded with some great football. Cornish forced a great save from their keeper before Duracell Jasper and Robo combined for the latter to thump a shot off the post. In between these strikes, however both Josh Nearney and Kempo were substituted after needing treatment: it was looking ominous. 

With four minutes to go, it looked all over as Mathew Robinson took aim from distance and his strike eluded fit-again Thomas Flynn's fingers. Lightning had struck twice! This time we were heading out and I felt the lowest I'd felt at a Bay match for many a day. The repeated pile-on seemed to feature over thirty bodies and added to the dejection we felt. 

We were stunned. We'd even managed to achieve a few "Howay the Bay" chants, ably supported by two Bay regulars on the touchline. Kinnon had also promised that if we scored a winner he would sing "If you don't jump then you're not Whitley Bay!" It was now all looking bleak.

But when you needed a miracle: who could you call? The Prof!

Matty Cornish's shot was spilled by the Thornaby keeper!

Lo and behold there was the Professor to bundle home the equaliser! It was Shields all over again: but this time in our favour. 

The Thorabians were silent...

We were delighted!

Sing in the bus stop!

Extra time it was, for the second time in five days. 

Whatever Nashy had said, it worked: the team were completely changed in extra time. Their passing was crisp and to feet, there was a spring in every yellow Bay player's step. It seemed logical, but improbable to us, that the Bay should take the lead: and they did! It was The Bay's Duracell Bunny, Scott Jasper, who slid in at the far post to connect. Right in front of the Thorabian kids! Bless them it must have been well past their bedtime as the Bay players converged on the delighted Jasper Bunny. Heaven was indeed a place on Earth and for that half hour, and for us, it was in Thornaby!

The icing on the cake was provided by the other supersub: Kyle Patton: sheer magic from Potter had lead to the ball in for KP to divert home. Amazing!

More reward, after the 45 minute drive home, was a typical Teeside delicacy: Chicken Parmo from our own Lebanese Diner, Aroos Beirut on Whitley Road. It seemed rather appropriate and tasty!

Can I have a free one for that plug?

The Shields game, though not forgotten, is behind us! Fingers crossed for a kind home draw in the 3rd round!

And so it was that the Thornabians and Thorabians returned to their dwellings in a bewildered and disappointed manner: back along the dark path they had wandered earlier with such hope and expectation. A hard lesson had been learnt!

HawaytheBay!

7th November 2017 - North Shields (A) NSC -1

The smell of deep heat was overpowering as the Whitley players warmed up on another crisp but cold Tyneside night. There were so many players carrying knocks and niggles that there was almost an antiseptic mist that followed them around.
No such problems for the home team as they warmed up in front of the growing crowd.
There certainly was a lot of expectation building for this first cup tie between the two teams in many years.

Our posh neighbours #1: colour team sheet!

Our posh neighbours #2: a fancy waiting area to use the bogs!

World of flags!

Since my last visit in our extremely unlikely 2-1 victory in 2015, our local rivals have made great strides with improvements to the ground. The brand spanking new clubhouse is well set out and warm: a complete contrast to the barrels we had to sit on for our first visit: a 2-1 friendly defeat. It certainly makes parts of the Seahorse look shabby (their roof didn't flap about in the wind) and need of attention: it pains me to say. It also pains me to say that their goals are straight and not leaning. Their pitch also looked in perfect condition: ideally short for our passing style. On and off the pitch, our neighbours are putting us in the shade at the moment so I was desperate for a chance to put one over them. Another reason was that the school Iteach at was a stone's throw away and there was a good chance that a Whitley defeat would result in many small bods taking the mickey out of me the next day.
The usual collection of flags adorned the home bank: also putting us to shame.
My little Tricolore was hardly  match but size isn't everything I reminded myself.

Perfect pitch with a rapidly disappearing Bay  legend : Phil Bell.

As many of the Bay fans noted, it was ex Bay versus present Bay. Shields boasted Brian Smith as manager along with Gary Ormston, Craig McFarland, Paul Robinson, Lee Mason, Kyle Hayes...A who's who of the last few Hillheads years. How would our young guns fare?
At first it looked very promising as a couple of quick chances came our way but then the more physical Shields side began to impose themselves and we were on the back foot.
With 13 minutes gone, a loose hand in the Bay box ended up diverting the ball so referee, David Pill took great glee in awarding a penalty to the home side. It was a hard one to swallow! Up stepped Ben Harmison to slot home as Mr Lister dived the opposite way.
The charmers on the grassy bank then woke up and began reciting from their Ladybird book of First Football Chants. First up it was there was the timeless "You can stick your Spanish City up your...." followed by the old classic "We hate Whitley...." and the 70s tribute"We are the Shee-elds, the Shee-elds boot boys..." Strangely, they were extremely quiet on the 33rd minute, as first the Kempstervator turned the ball in from close range then defender Joe Robson clipped the ball perfectly over Sean McCafferty. Amazingly the lads were ahead.

One member of Pie Club joins in the celebrations!

Moira admires the single Bay flag...

After admonishing the other members of Flag Club (first rule of Flag Club: don't forget your flag: part timers!) for forgetting to bring their flag, I had time to study the match programme which was filled with articles and of a very high standard. I had to admit it, it was one of the best in the league. However, having a packed programme, nice club house and flat pitch did not guarantee you a winning team and where it mattered, the Bay were doing the business. throughout the second half Kempster and PGR was working hard and Potter was finding acres of space to fly up and down the wing. The lads had upped their game. The magical winger had recovered from being sung "Somewhere over the rainbow.." when he shot miles over in the first and was using his wand of a right foot to great effect. Liam Brookes was also working hard and fully justified his place on the starting line up. it only seemed a matter of time before the lads scored. On came Jasper: the Duracell bunny and he ran back and forth, causing no end of problems. Josh Nearney was enjoying himself immensely going forward and should have had a penalty...

Then, suddenly there was a scramble on the Bay box and the Bay bar was left shaking from a mighty effort. We suddenly looked nervous as the quiet Shields fans stopped their early exiting and began roaring their team on. We nervously watched as the fourth official (yes we had one of them!) held up the 'Tommyknocker' board which was illuminated by the number four. Four minutes of injury time. Next to me, Daz (provider of comedy  and wise phrases for the night) had disappeared into a cloud of vapour. We were all tense!

We should have known there was to be no happy ending for us as, in the 95th minute, Daniel Wilson levelled for the home side. Blue hearts were broken. The Kempster was then called a "Dirty £$%&ing Tory" after a challenge that he was lucky hadn't earned him more than the yellow card he received.
Extra time followed and the lads looked knackered. The Bay finally succumbed when Ryan Carr found space on the left hand corner of the Bay penalty area: his drive nestling into Lister's far post. There were still moments for the Bay to equalise but the Bay's Chris Salmon just couldn't wrap his foot around the ball and the chance to equalise had gone. 2-3 final score to Shields.
As hard as it was to lose, if I could have chosen to lose on Tuesday but win in the Vase...I know what I'd have chosen: victory against Thornaby is imperative! Haway the Bay! (that's with an 'a' BTW)

4th November 2017 - Bishop Auckland (H)

Looking back, I suppose the main objective for the day should have been to avoid any more injuries and get the returnees into the team successfully. So, with that in mind the day had been a relative success and we can look forward to an exciting week of cup footie with the Northumberland Senior Cup game against those lovely chaps from North Shields followed by the Vase game against Thornaby.

The morning started, as usual, with a parkrun. This time I was volunteering as a marshall on a very crisp morning: complete with the latest Movember moustache: raising money for men's health issues.
There were three visiting Bournemouth fans running, who were for the game against some team and they were intrigued when I mentioned that I was a Whitley Bay season ticket holder. They faithfully promised to check out the ground on the way to wherever they were going. Really nice lads!

Courtesy of Mr Twitter

There was a surprise inclusion as Le guerrier francais, Thibault Charmey returned from his fractured Tibia (Thibia?). Also returning was the tower of strength that is Professor Wilko. However, in the opposite direction travelled the fragile Callum Anderson and hamstrung Alex Kempster. There was also a welcome return for Robo, who partnered Scotty J up front: a double battering ram!
There was also more debate about Newton Aycliffe's kit colour from the week as Mick's Mate, Martin, was angry that the NUFC mogul had out-shouted his suggestion of cerise! This one may run for a while...
Thankfully there was no doubt about today's visiting strip and the visiting mogul wasn't there to outshout his distraught buddy who simply commented that it was "the kind of strip that didn't require floodlights..." Good call!
There was almost a perfect opening for Chris Salmon who leaped like the proverbial and in doing so flattened the distraught visiting #1; his reaction was a bit OTT and earned both of them a yellow card.

Flag wars continues! They nicked my spot!
Nice clips and cords though....

Soon after, Robo saw his cross roll across the goal-line, untouched by a Bay boot or body part and harmlessly out of danger.
After that, the rest of the half passed without too much excitement: there were close efforts from Peter GR and Matty Cornish along with a spectacular headed clearance from Josh Nearney after a save from Mr Lister.
We were distracted by the fact that Bishops had Shaun Ryder playing from and despite his lack of a Kinky Afro, Fat Neck or Loose Fit (for his strip), the Happy Mondays front man didn't manage to Get Higher than the home team and the half finished 0-0. We were left Pretty Vacant after that one but at least we hadn't lost our Marbles.
Half time meant hot chocolate, giant cola bottle and prawn cocktail crisps which I certainly did Shake Well Before Opening.

Absorbed

I'd barely finished doing some Freaky Dancin' when Mr Lister astonishingly rolled the ball straight into the path of Bishops' Johnson. With a completely empty goal to aim at he controlled the ball, headed closer to make certain and just managed to slip it into Lister's left hand post.
The errant  keeper then made amends with a string of spectacular saves with his left foot, right hand, left hand, both hands and finally a delightful tip-over the bar as Bishops went for the jugular.
With a cold, crisp Autumn evening drawing in, it looked like the lads were to end up pointless, however after a triple substitution, supersub  Brooksy levelled the scores in injury time.
PGR lashed a cracker goalwards that was parried and there was the delighted tall man to slam home. He was well-chuffed: and so were we! There were words of rebuke from Woody, however for the Flag Gang as they threw leaves at each other in celebration...wouldn't catch us doing that!

The Bay does Strictly come Dancing!

The fallen leaves used to celebrate the goal!

Another point snatched, making five points in three league games. Roll on next week!