For your added enjoyment, please read the segments of this blog in italics in the voice of David Attenborough. Thank you
Up a tree-lined narrow path, we find the home of the variously-spotted Thornabians. They mostly appear during the months from August to May after which they return into hibernation, or Spain, during the hotter weather. Today, we knew we would be treated to great numbers of them as today was FA Vase day: a special day for all the Lower Non-League species of Football Supporter.
There was great tension amongst our group as we drew closer: we could hear the battle cry of the Greater-spotted, and younger, Thorabian. In time they would develop into the Lesser-spotted Thornabian, a calmer but nevertheless unpredictable creature.
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| The flag of the Greater-Spotted Thorabian. |
The Thornabian is a generally friendly creature that lives in various spots around their home in Teesdale Park. They are able to chat amiably about all aspects of Northern League football and are fiercely proud.
The Lesser Spotted Thornabian can be found at their favourite watering hole:
This can be reached through a long passage that allows it protection from the elements and any predators:
Some Thornabians take advantage of a nearby picnic area to enjoy the fresh air and their version of water:
Other Thornabians are shy, however, and prefer to watch from the safety of a high fence and hill:
The louder, Greater Spotted Thorabian (also known as Mad Boys) are quite happy to share their territory with visitors as long as they keep their distance. This all-male pack, greatly enjoy showing off with a range of musical numbers they can recite.
The Greater Spotted Thorabian sometimes needs to be kept in check and one of our research crew witnessed an apology to one of the Thornabian elders for a misdemeanor that included the phrases "I'm sorry" and "It won't happen again".
Generally, though the younger members seem to be allowed to play about in their own shed that had been kitted out with creature comforts such as 'leather sofas'. Maybe one of their number had put their feet on the sofas, we surmised!
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| More than happy to share their shed, just not their comfy sofas! |
The Thorabians jump and leap about fuelled by their own special brew, Forest Fruits Strongbow, that is sneaked in by one of their group through a secret door (to a secret garden). For convenience, these are stored in a nearby receptacle (also known as a bin) to be surreptitiously removed when their elders are not looking.
Fuelled by their Strongbows, the youngsters follow the commands of their leader, who holds the sacred megaphone. Their medley seem to vary:
"If you aren't jumping, you aren't Thor-na-by"
"We hate Whitley Bay!"
Amongst others.
In this respect they resemble the Greater Spotted North Shields fan. This resemblance doesn't stop there as both species favour the use of the Red Cross Flag.
Interestingly, when their team finds itself behind to a fabulous shot from Andy Robertson, they still carry on with their patter. The power of fruity drinks!
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| Matty C is grateful for Barry's words of advice. |
Despite going ahead, the Bay were finding it hard against the determined home side, much to the delight of the kids next to us. At one point, Bay Denizen, Barry decided to share his wisdom, yet the the team still struggled even after that, despite occasional periods of good play, and we were grateful to hear the half time whistle.
When the half time whistle blows, it is a signal for the Thorabians to leave en-masse for the toileting area, whereupon they mingle about, singing in the enclosed space, putting off those present from their business, before then returning to the the safety of their shed.
The second half started poorly for the Bay and it was no surprise when Thornaby equalised. There then followed a pile-on of players and supporters near the corner flag that built upon scorer Joe Hillerby.
When a goal has been scored, there follows a ritual in which the Thornaby goalscorer is rewarded by his fellow males jumping on top of him. This inspires the younger Thorabians to run from their shed to join in the growing mountain of bodies.
There was a sickening feeling as we watched the celebrations and the lads' body language didn't look good. Tuesday night was coming back to haunt us.
The lads responded with some great football. Cornish forced a great save from their keeper before Duracell Jasper and Robo combined for the latter to thump a shot off the post. In between these strikes, however both Josh Nearney and Kempo were substituted after needing treatment: it was looking ominous.
With four minutes to go, it looked all over as Mathew Robinson took aim from distance and his strike eluded fit-again Thomas Flynn's fingers. Lightning had struck twice! This time we were heading out and I felt the lowest I'd felt at a Bay match for many a day. The repeated pile-on seemed to feature over thirty bodies and added to the dejection we felt.
We were stunned. We'd even managed to achieve a few "Howay the Bay" chants, ably supported by two Bay regulars on the touchline. Kinnon had also promised that if we scored a winner he would sing "If you don't jump then you're not Whitley Bay!" It was now all looking bleak.
But when you needed a miracle: who could you call? The Prof!
Matty Cornish's shot was spilled by the Thornaby keeper!
Lo and behold there was the Professor to bundle home the equaliser! It was Shields all over again: but this time in our favour.
The Thorabians were silent...
We were delighted!
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| Sing in the bus stop! |
Extra time it was, for the second time in five days.
Whatever Nashy had said, it worked: the team were completely changed in extra time. Their passing was crisp and to feet, there was a spring in every yellow Bay player's step. It seemed logical, but improbable to us, that the Bay should take the lead: and they did! It was The Bay's Duracell Bunny, Scott Jasper, who slid in at the far post to connect. Right in front of the Thorabian kids! Bless them it must have been well past their bedtime as the Bay players converged on the delighted Jasper Bunny. Heaven was indeed a place on Earth and for that half hour, and for us, it was in Thornaby!
The icing on the cake was provided by the other supersub: Kyle Patton: sheer magic from Potter had lead to the ball in for KP to divert home. Amazing!
More reward, after the 45 minute drive home, was a typical Teeside delicacy: Chicken Parmo from our own Lebanese Diner, Aroos Beirut on Whitley Road. It seemed rather appropriate and tasty!
Can I have a free one for that plug?
The Shields game, though not forgotten, is behind us! Fingers crossed for a kind home draw in the 3rd round!
And so it was that the Thornabians and Thorabians returned to their dwellings in a bewildered and disappointed manner: back along the dark path they had wandered earlier with such hope and expectation. A hard lesson had been learnt!
HawaytheBay!
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