25th November 2017 - Team Northumbria (a)

The appeal of a visit to Coach Lane to watch this encounter was not great. It was absolutely freezing outside. I'd already endured the delights (it was very tasty, actually) of Tynemouth Castle's outdoor Christmas food festival and wanted to stay indoors but today was the day #Bayflagclub welcomed a new arrival! Yes Pogo Patterson's flag, boasting a fine photo from the Bay's glory days, had arrived and was ready for its debut. How could I refuse to join in the merriment. After all the first rule of flag club is "Don't forget your flag" and the second is "make sure you turn up". The action on the pitch would take second stage today!

My little one is feeling slightly overwhelmed by his big buddies!

The pitch was in perfect condition but it was just freezing! The Boy Mark and I were not impressed...

Neither was I impressed with the match programme which certainly lacked content. I'm afraid I have a big problem with Team North. They are simply a club that I don't feel should be in the Northern League! They are a University team and should play against other university teams. My reasons for this are:

1. They have no fans to banter with or ignore.

2. They have no match programme ... That I could find...to spend a hard-earned £1 or £1.50 upon so you can scrawl nonsensical notes upon.

3. They have toilets that are outside the ground. 

4. It's always cold there.

5. You have to pay £1.50 for the privilege to park there! Obvs instead of a programme....

Our biggest excitement early on was watching two lads putting their video camera on a massive erection. I did, however, lose any remaining street-cred I might have had when I complemented them on their erection and promptly tripped over the stand, making it wobble...just a touch!

It's huge! Hardly seems worth it for that little thing!

What was worse was that the Bay were terrible. They couldn't pass to each other, control the ball or stop the hard-up students from running rings around them! I had given up the opportunity to spend time with my own student daughter, who had come home for a family outing to see Kasabian the previous night, for this!

We even went for our warm drinks five minutes early with the score at an extremely fortunate 0-0 for the Bay. It had been backs to the wall most of the half.

The second half didn't bode any better as we lost the protection from the biting wind of the other end's wooden fencing. 

One compensation about the ground, though, was the netting behind each goal, which was perfect for #Bayflagclub. 

In the 54th minute, the game woke up:

A curling Cornish free-kick was mishandled by our banter-buddy in the Team North goal (he was a good lad really) and there was the Kempstervator to krash in a screamer from twenty centimetres. 

Soon after, who should be on hand for a Charmey pass but Poster-Boy Brooks! A quick turn was followed by a crisp low shot under our mate! 

The Pin-up boy returned the compliment soon after as he laid the ball for our french maestro, Monsieur Thibault, who made the score 3-0. 

Even super pitches have divets!

It was at this point that all feeling and bodily functions ceased behind the home goal and we willed the referee to blow for full time. There was a brief moment of banter when we informed the linesman "that even the female ref isn't wearing gloves" as he raised his gloved hand to rule a Bay player off-side. But, there was only hollow laughter, as we beat our gloved hands together and shivered in our multiple layers.

#bayflagclub had long since been removed when the ref finally blew for full time and there was a veritable race for the warmth of various cars. How hard we are!

3-0 to the Bay but the lads will have to be ten times better next week in the Vase against West Auckland! 

PS Flag club may be extended for the FA Vase fixture as Pogo Patterson has gone flag crazy!